How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment,"
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam,"
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.
Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
Why do bag pipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.
Note: This is from an email forward, meaning we did not create this.