Cops and Doughnuts
Welcome to SM
Asylum Special Report. This is Serena Schizophrenic. Shocking
news has been arrising this month about the issue of "Cops
and Doughnuts." Apparently, police officers throughout the
nation have been accused of allegedly "misusing"
defenseless doughnuts and violating their rights. Here today, we
have two people, one from each side. Are police officers in fact
abusing doughnuts nation-wide, or is this some sort of clever
conspiracy to blacken the reputations of our country's law
enforcement? You be the judge.
-----
Mr. John "Dunkin'" Donut
Official Speaker of Doughnuts
Ah, yes, it's a hard life being a doughnut. Each and every
day, we are made fresh in the morning and placed on the rack
for all to see. Our beauty and resilience shine through most
of the day. But then, the late afternoon comes, and we
suffer. There's always an unfortunate few who don't get
picked up by happy children or cheerful adults. We grow stale
and hard as we wait to be eaten. We are very scrumptious
until... it's so hard for me to say... the cops come. They
pick us up in a rush, stuffing us into their bad breath
mouths. They're so in a rush to stop a crime that they don't
savor each and every crumb of their yummy doughnuts! Oh, and
the poor holes. They get eaten three at a time,
unappreciated. Those poor things; they were only children.
Can't anyone think of the poor, defenseless children?!? And
they say policemen stop crime! How can they stop crimes when
they commit such evil acts against doughtnuts!?
Mr. Donut's official quote:
"Power to the Doughnuts!"
-----
Chief Clyde "Creampuff" Wigim
Springfield, IL PD
I like doughtnuts; they're good when you're on the go. They're
so easy to eat, and the best kind are the ones that have been
waiting a while to be eaten. Oh and I just love the holes! I can
eat them two at a time. Lovely things. My favorite part about the
doughnut shops is that they're usually open 24 hours of the day.
So, even if I'm working the night shift I can eat yummy
doughnuts! There's just one weird part; I thought I heard one of
the holes crying "Please don't eat me!" the other
night. I think I was just a little stressed that day.
Chief Wigim's official quote:
"Doughnuts are a cop's best friend."
-----
That concludes
our report this month. This is Serena Schizophrenic for SM
Asylum Special Report.
Back