Teenager (noun)
- A mammal found extensively throughout the planet, often
clustered in groups in front of television sets. Thought
to be a member of Homo Sapiens due to physical
similarities, though social and emotional behavior leads
many researchers to consider Teenagers a completely
different species altogether. Very territorial.
("IT'S MY ROOM -- STAY OUT OF MY ROOM.")
Teenagers are extraordinarily social animals, seeking
contact with their peers to such a great extent they will
forgo family, chores, food, and responsibility. The males
of the species forage for food constantly, and can
consume three times their weight every day. When in full
plumage, the males are usually drab, marked by loose
fitting garments which appear to be sliding off their
backsides. The females, on the other hand, sport striking
colors around their eyes, throughout their hair, and on
the tips of their fingers.
The call of the female is complex and shrill: "Like,
O m'Gosh! O m'Gosh!"
Males are less vocal, signaling to other males with a
salutatory: "Yo. Yo. Yo. S'up? S'up? S'up?"
Teenagers line their nests with discarded garments. The
females hold telephone receivers to their ears an average
of six hours a day. When challenged for possession, they
cry "I'm doing my HOMEWORK. My HOMEWORK. My
HOMEWORK." The males lie immobile for hours at a
time, conserving energy and listening to violent
electronic signals from radios.
Male Teenagers concentrate on important verbal
communications by rolling their eyes, shrugging, kicking
dirt and sighing. Females burst into tears and slam
doors. Many Homo Sapiens families have a host-to-parasite
relationship with one or more Teenagers. These host
families often develop a resistance to the parasite,
rejecting them some time in the eighteenth year of life.
Often, though, this rejection is merely theoretical, with
the Teenager continuing to live off of the host Homo
Sapiens family for many years afterward, often at great
sacrifice (See COLLEGE.)
- Of, relating to, and especially EXPLAINING irrational,
intolerable, or inexplicable behavior. ("She's a
Teenager.")
- A request for sympathy, offered by adult parents to each
other in support. ("I have a Teenager at
home.") Often accompanied by sighs, headshaking,
tongue clucking, and shoulder shrugging.
Hey peepz, dis aint mine. I got it in an email forward.
Back